No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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