he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
