no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
