Fine. I'll sleep in my office
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We are two peas in an std pod
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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