literally had 100 drinks last night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
