well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
