Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
