Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
