When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
