PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
