I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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