well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
