she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
