Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
