Can i not drive my cunt home
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
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I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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