if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
