he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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