Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Nicole vs. Life
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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