when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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