So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
