clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
