Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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