Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
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He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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