Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
