I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
