Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
