Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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