i need an iv and a liver transplant
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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