so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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