she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
