at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
