I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
