She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
