Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
