we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
