i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
