at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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