I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
