we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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