mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
