I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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