How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize