Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
