After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
