did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
