If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
