Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
