if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
