At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
