That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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