i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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