once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize