summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
