I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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