and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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