I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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