I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
