My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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