I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
nutella sex= disaster
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
