it was like his penis was on wheels.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
