she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
