You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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