I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
