Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
