im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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