I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i already hear my dad disowning me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
