i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I believe in your delicious
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
